Tonglen Practice
Also known as “taking and sending,” this practice reverses our typical approach of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure. We imagine taking in the pain of others with each in-breath and sending out whatever would benefit them with each out-breath. This process frees us from old patterns of selfishness. We begin to feel love for both ourselves and others.
Tonglen can be practiced for those who are ill, those who are dying or have died, or anyone experiencing pain of any kind. It can be done as a formal meditation practice or spontaneously at any moment. If we encounter someone in pain while we are out walking, we can breathe in their pain and send out relief to them.
Typically, we turn away when we witness someone suffering. Their pain evokes our own fear, anger, resistance, and confusion. Therefore, we can practice tonglen for everyone like ourselves—those who desire to be compassionate but feel afraid, those who want to be brave but feel cowardly. Instead of criticizing ourselves, we can use our own struggles as a way to understand what others face worldwide. Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for all of us. Transform what feels like poison into medicine. We can turn our personal suffering into a path for developing compassion for all beings.
The Four Stages of Tonglen Meditation
1. Flash on Bodhichitta
Begin by resting your mind for a moment in a state of openness or stillness. This stage is traditionally known as flashing on absolute bodhichitta, the awakened heart-mind, or opening to basic spaciousness and clarity.
2. Start the Visualization
Engage with texture. Inhale feelings of heat, darkness, and heaviness—a sense of claustrophobia. Exhale feelings of coolness, brightness, and light—a sense of freshness. Inhale fully, drawing in negative energy through all the pores of your body. As you exhale, radiate positive energy completely through all your pores. Continue this until your visualization aligns with your in- and out-breaths.
3. Focus on a Personal Situation
Concentrate on a painful situation that is significant to you. Traditionally, you start by practicing tonglen for someone you care about and wish to help. However, if you are feeling stuck, you can do the practice for your own pain and simultaneously for all those experiencing similar suffering. For example, if you are feeling inadequate, breathe in that feeling for yourself and everyone else who feels the same way, and send out confidence, adequacy, and relief in whatever form you choose.
4. Expand Your Compassion
Finally, broaden the scope of your practice. If you are doing tonglen for someone you love, extend it all those in similar situations. If you are doing tonglen for someone you see on television or on the street, include everyone in the same circumstances. Make it about more than just one person. You can also do tonglen for people you consider your enemies—those who have hurt you or others. Practice tonglen for them, recognizing that they experience the same confusion and stuckness as your friend or yourself. Breathe in their pain and send them relief.
Tonglen can extend infinitely. As you practice, your compassion will naturally grow, and you'll begin to understand that things are not as solid as they seemed, offering a glimpse of emptiness. Over time, at your own pace, you may be surprised to find yourself increasingly able to support others, even in situations that once seemed impossible.
